What not to put in writing during a dispute

Why it matters

Texts and emails last. In a divorce, a tenancy dispute or a workplace conflict, your messages may later be read by lawyers, mediators, HR or a judge. One badly chosen sentence can undo months of reasonable behavior.

Seven things to keep out of writing

1. Admissions you don't mean. "Fine, it's all my fault" to end an argument can be read literally later. 2. Threats. Even vague ones, like "you'll regret this", look bad, especially next to a calm message from the other side. 3. Insults and labels. Calling someone a narcissist, a liar or a bad parent rarely helps and can be used to show hostility. 4. Promises you haven't agreed to. "I'll pay whatever you want" can become an expectation. 5. Comments about the children's loyalty or anything that involves them in the conflict. 6. Sensitive details such as passwords, account numbers and other people's private information. 7. Anything sent in anger. If you wouldn't be comfortable with it being read aloud in a meeting, don't send it.

What to do instead

• Keep messages brief and factual.
• Confirm agreements in writing: "To confirm, we agreed..."
• Use [placeholders] for dates and amounts until you've checked them.
• Get advice from a qualified professional before sending anything with legal consequences.

This guide is general information, not legal advice.

Check before you send

Resolve the Disputes gives every exchange a legal-risk read, tells you what to keep out of writing, and writes replies designed to be safe to forward.